Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

Not so long ago Penn State was the subject of Outside the Lines a television show produced and aired by ESPN. According to the research ESPN conducted since 2002, 46 Penn State football players have faced 163 criminal charges & 27 players have been convicted of or have pleaded guilty to a combined 45 counts.

This caused uproar among Penn State fans and blogs. Several Penn State fan that I know on a personal level stated that ESPN was picking on their football program and that there was a conspiracy to sullen the name of Penn State.

Let’s get one thing straight before we continue. Tennessee has the whole ESPN conspiracy angle locked up, it’s even copy written. Maybe since Tennessee sucks now ESPN has targeted Penn State with the case of yesterday’s discovery of a “small amount” of Mary Jane in the apartment of Penn State football players by planting the weed there.

Police said a small amount of marijuana was found in a Nittany Apartments residence whose most current residents, according to university housing records, are football players AJ Wallace, Andrew Quarless, Maurice Evans and Abe Koroma.

At eight o’clock the Po Po was responding was responding to a noise complaint and smell the sweet sticky icky weed reminding them of fun times they spend at a police seminar that was held at the university of Florida two summers ago.

Knowing that smell way to well the police asked to search the premises but were denied entrance by the players. So the Po Po obtained a warrant and returned at 11:00 PM where the cannabis was promptly found. I’m sure it was in a baggy that said “Property of Stu Scott” on it.

The warrant only listed Nova, Wallace and Quarless as being at the apartment Tuesday night. Neither Evans nor Koroma was listed as being at the apartment Tuesday night, with the warrant only listing them as two of the most current tenants.

Police could not provide details on the exact amount of marijuana found because it had yet to be officially tested because the official Penn State police bong was presently missing.

Penn State quarterback Daryll Clark said he was “shocked” when he found out about the incident.

“I don’t even know what happened,” he said. “All I know is police was out at someone’s apartment. I really don’t know why. … I really don’t know what’s going on right now. I have to look into it to see what’s going on right now.”

They had THREE hours to get rid of the weed and they couldn’t figure it out? Godspeed, Penn State, Godspeed.

It must be hard to make a good plan to get rid of your dope when you are all high and shit. See that’s what weed does to you. You are rendered unable to hide weed.

I can hear the conversation right now.

“What should we do?…do we flush it?”

“Man, I paid $50 for that! Hide it somewhere!”

“Under the couch cushion?”

“Great idea”

In the player’s defense, when Joe Pa told them to stay off the grass, they thought he meant his lawn.