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ESPN.com – College FootballPosted by Thomas the Terrible on July 28, 2008
I like Kige for some odd reason. In his latest video not only does he show off that lovely paneling in his house but he shows the world that he indeed as a subscription to Sports Illustrated. It was a Christmas gift. 
Guess what folks so do I! Maybe I should start doing weekly videos as well. I could show my magazine collection off as well. Including the Playboy with Jose Canseco’s wife on the cover. (I just wanted an excuse to use this pic) Rock on Kige!
Posted in Jose Canseco, Kige Ramsey, YouTube | Tagged: Jose Canseco, Kige Ramsey, YouTube | 1 Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 28, 2008
Ok here’s the scenario. You’re Marques Wade a wide receiver for the Arkansas Razorbacks. You’ve just been pulled over for speeding through a parking and nearly hitting a fellow pig the Po Po. When the police ask why you have bloodshot eyes and have you been drinking do you:
A. Lie and say no
B. Lie but say admit to smoking a fat blunt
C. Start sending indecent text messages to Houston Nutt
If you said “B” then you’re correct and win a lifetime supply of Petrino-A-Roni. Which knowing Petrino the way we do a lifetime supply is actually something like 2 months.
Now Marques Wade was released from Washington County jail early Sunday morning after posting an $880 bond. His breathalyzer test showed Wade had a blood-alcohol level of 0.11. Arkansas’ legal limit is 0.08. Oh yeah he did tell the Po Po he was not drunk but high instead.
I believe he was the visitor sitting next to me at our last local Mensa meeting. Not sure…..
Why wasn’t he tooling around on a moped like some other Arkansas players? Finally why didn’t he be cool and break out the police car windows? Is that a Vanderbilt thing?
A university spokesman said Petrino was “very upset” & that the matter “will be dealt with.”
Maybe Petrino should make him write “Alcohol isn’t as bad as drugs and I’m stupid” about 1000 times.
Posted in Arkansas Razorbacks, DUI, SEC, SEC Football, bad drivers, drugs | Tagged: Arkansas Razorbacks, bad drivers, drugs, DUI, SEC, SEC Football | 1 Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 27, 2008
Wow, one solid year of writing this crap for you peons sharing our thoughts on sports related subjects.
First & for most I would like to thank Joel and Ghetto Philosopher for being the men that they are first and contributing writers second. I would thank Billy Bob Bammer and Little Bear Cub but they’re Bama bastards.
I also thank the following blogs in no particular order for inspiration and for giving me laughs when I sometimes need it the most.
I also want to thank the following people/teams/morons & all around idiots for giving such great material.
But mostly I want to thank you the readers. Whether we have pissed you off or made you laugh thank you for stopping by. The writers and I look forward to another year of slamming your favorite team and/or sports personality.
Posted in Adam Jones, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Jerrell Powe, Michael Vick, Ole Miss, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Roll Tide, Ron Mexico, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, WTF, WVU, West Virginia Mountaineers, conVick, new york yankees, ole miss rebels, satire, white trash, yankees suck | Tagged: yankees suck, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, South Carolina Gamecocks, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Sucks, Florida Gators, new york yankees, satire, white trash, Ole Miss, Po Po, Crime & Punishment, ole miss rebels, WTF, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Roll Tide, West Virginia Mountaineers, Jerrell Powe, WVU, Bama Bangs, Michael Vick, conVick, Pacman Jones, Crazy Women, Ron Mexico, Adam Jones, Bama Cheats | 5 Comments »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 26, 2008
Even though Pac Man Jones sorry Rain Man Jones hasn’t been reinstated by Roger Goodell, he can still save you MO MONEY, MO MONEY, MO MONEY!!!
That’s right even though he hasn’t been cleared to play or practice for that matter, Adam Jones is pimping rides for “Drivers Select“. And look who’s with him. Why it’s “Prime Time” Deion Sanders!
Clearly Drivers Select wasn’t working with a big budget for this. I love how Adam Jones formally known as Pac Man doesn’t try to pretend that he isn’t reading from a cue card. And what a snazzy Drivers Select jersey you have there Pac.. I mean Adam.
Look for Jones to land more endorsement deals if he is reinstated for such fine establishments like “Mee Maws Truck Driving & Law School” & “Mrs. Wong’s Happy Ending Massage Parlors”.
Posted in Adam Jones, Dallas Cowboys, Deion Sanders, Pacman Jones | Tagged: Adam Jones, Dallas Cowboys, Deion Sanders, Pacman Jones | 1 Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 26, 2008
The following was written by Gray of Left On Lanier, who has allowed us to publish this. All the credit goes to him and him alone. This is hi·lar·i·ous.
Yes but for how long?
Bobby Petrino, is an American football coach and an asshole. He is currently head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks, but that could change by the end of this article.
Early Years
Petrino was born on Osama Bin Laden’s birthday (March 10) in Montana. He reached his peak of maturity 13 years later. He remained an emotional invalid through his college career as quarterback for Carroll College.
Coaching Career
Petrino became offensive coordinator at his Alma mater in 1985, helping Carroll College became the highest scoring team in the NAIA division. This distinction means nothing, since NAIA football is not real football. Petrino shows no emotion. He then started chasing jobs like Johnny Knoxville chases death. He worked at Weber State, Carroll, Weber State (again), Idaho, Arizona State, Nevada, and Utah State in the next ten years. Bobby likes the barren southwest. Its desolate landscape, long lonely expanses, and unforgivable terrain reminded him of his own vacant soul.
Petrino cried once, didn’t like it, and never did it again.
In 1997, Petrino went to Louisville. Then he went to Jacksonville. Then he went to Auburn. Then he returned to Louisville. His wife got tired of this shit.
UPDATE
Bobby Petrino is still currently the head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks.
The Louisville Years
His wife got tired of this shit. In 1997 he became coach at Louisville (again) and decided he’d settle down for the rest of his life, or at least for four years or so. During this period, Petrino interviewed at Auburn, LSU and the Oakland Raiders.
Louisville got tired of this shit. After having some success and demonstrating one of the keenest offensive minds in real college football and not that NAIA crap, the Louisville Administration took control. The emotionally crippled Petrino agreed to a ten year, 25.5 million dollar contract on July 13, 2006 to remain their head coach and quit interviewing for every possible job within a 300-mile radius.
The Atlanta Months
This sumbitch signed a five year deal with the Atlanta Falcons less than six months later. Upon arriving in Atlanta, his star QB was accused of sneaking marijuana on an Airtran flight. Soon afterward, one of his players broke his leg in a jet-ski accident, another player was arrested for punching a dog in the face, his third string QB blew out his ACL. This was the good part.
Soon his star QB raised the ante by bankrolling a dog fighting operation, smoking pot while awaiting sentencing, and getting sent to Federal Prison. Petrino started Joey Harrington, for God’s sake. Soon, he replaced Harrington with a black guy that broke his ankle and bruised his tailbone, and then another guy who hadn’t played in the NFL in several years and sold insurance door-to-door in 2006. His team went 3-10. Petrino got tired of this shit.
Less than 24 hours after coaching the Atlanta Falcons in a nationally televised loss, Petrino accepted the job as the head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks. He didn’t even wait for the END OF THE SEASON IN HIS FIRST YEAR. He had 3 jobs in 2007. Petrino makes Jeff George look stable.
The Arkansas Hours
Petrino is currently (still) the head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks.
Trivia about Bobby Petrino
Petrino has had more jobs than Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka.
He has coached at 11 different places, 3 of these places TWICE. That’s a lot of freaking moving.
He has no allegiance to any team, or fan, or institution. He will lie to you.
Petrino doesn’t smile, as it is seen as weakness in most primates.
Listen. And understand. Bobby Petrino is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
Posted in All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas Razorbacks, Atlanta Falcons, Bobby Petrino, Liar, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football | Tagged: All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas Razorbacks, Atlanta Falcons, Bobby Petrino, Liar, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football | 6 Comments »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 25, 2008
Sometimes baseball can be a violent sport, whether it is a senseless brawl or a violent collision at the plate. But when an innocent fans get hurt a sacred line has been crossed.
Fifteen players and both managers were ejected — and a fan was sent to the hospital — following a 10-minute, benches-clearing brawl in a Class-A minor league game between affiliates of the Cincinnati Reds and Chicago Cubs on Thursday night.
The innocent fan was taken to the hospital after being hit by a ball thrown by Peoria (Cubs) pitcher Julio Castillo, who was throwing at the Dayton (Reds) dugout but missed during the first-inning melee between Midwest League teams. You can see him throw the ball around the 22 second in the video.
While watching the video look for a player that looks like Ron Artest! The man keeps busy even in the off-season.
Castillo was arrested and faces one count of felonious assault. He is in the Montgomery County Jail and has a court appearance Friday. I hope he gets his jock sued off by the guy who went to the hospital.
Dayton pitcher Kyle Lotzkar hit Peoria’s Nate Samson with a pitch in the top of the first. In the inning’s bottom half, Castillo hit Dayton’s Zack Cozart in the head with a pitch. Cozart fell to the ground, was helped to the dugout and didn’t return.
Several batters later, Castillo hit Angel Cabrera, who angrily threw his bat and batting gloves toward his dugout before taking first. Dayton’s next batter hit an infield grounder, and Cabrera made an aggressive slide into second to break up the double play.
Castillo followed that with a high-and-tight pitch to the next batter, Brandon Menchaca, prompting Dayton manager Donnie Scott to complain to the home plate umpire. Interim Peoria manager Carmelo Martinez came on the field to join the discussion.
That led to an argument between the two managers, and when Martinez pushed Scott, the benches emptied. Several fights between players broke out behind home plate. Castillo’s ball went into the stands, and Menchaca jumped on Castillo’s back.
This is ridiculous I don’t know how much control MLB has over these teams, but they need to come down really hard on these guys if they do. I think there are too many so called managers doing things that are way out of line and fueling these things. I can’t recall ever seeing one manager come out to argue when the other manager is out there arguing with the umpire.
That is what got this thing going, had the managers not pushed each other this may not have gone in the direction it went in.
As for the pitcher that threw that ball at someone, that guy needs to spend sometime in jail.
Posted in Crime & Punishment, Minor League Baseball, classless | Tagged: classless, Crime & Punishment, Minor League Baseball | 1 Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 25, 2008
Eastern Kentucky University football player, Davin Walker, was arrested recently for shoplifting that turned violent in the NCAA’s favorite place to shoplift, Wally World.
Walker was spotted on store surveillance putting items into a backpack. He was confronted by two overpaid under IQ’ed Wal-Mart employees. Walker then lunged straight toward one of the men knocking him down, and fled the scene so fast he lost his shoes (literally) and backpack.
“A physical altercation ensued, and a shopping cart overturned, tearing the tip off of a 69-year-old female customer’s thumb,” said Sgt. Willard Reardon, public information officer for the Richmond Police Department.
Thankfully, the woman’s thumb tip was not completely severed and she has since received stitches and is recovering.
The lady was inn the wrong place at the wrong time. She was walking into the store with a buggy when this altercation occurred.
“What otherwise would have been a theft charge was elevated to first-degree robbery by the physical altercation,” Reardon said.
However Michael Eubanks, Walker’s defense attorney, disagrees.
“In this case, we have a theft,” he said. “At the time of (the physical confrontation with the woman), the shoplifting already had occurred. What we have is shoplifting and an assault.”
Eubanks said Walker did not have a weapon, therefore it should not be considered first-degree robbery.
“There’s no evidence that Mr. Walker was trying to cause her any harm,” Eubanks said. “He didn’t say: ‘I’m going to hurt you if you don’t give me the battery charger.’”
County Attorney Marc Robbins stressed that someone who was not involved in the incident was hurt, and that justifies the first-degree robbery charge.
According to the 2008 Criminal Law of Kentucky handbook, first-degree robbery is defined as: “… in the course of committing theft, he uses or threatens the immediate use of physical force upon another person with intent to accomplish the theft and when he: (a) causes physical injury to any person who is not a participant in the crime; or (b) is armed with a deadly weapon; or (c) uses or threatens the immediate use of a dangerous instrument upon any person who is not a participant in the crime.”
It sounds like he met those criteria to me.
Now you might be wondering what was Walker stealing to make him bolt in such a manner. Here is the interesting part. The backpack that he dropped contained a cell phone battery charger, a box of douches and a bottle of feminine hygiene spray.
Doh! No wonder he ran so fast. Doesn’t EKU have boosters to help him out with some of these items? You know you’re whipped when you steal feminine products from Wal-Mart.
Walker is a senior wide receiver from Miami, Fla. EKU spokesman Marc Whitt said Walker had been enrolled as a student for the spring 2008 semester.
Walker has been suspended indefinitely by the EKU Department of Athletics. At least until he passes a crab check.
He played in 11 games last season as a running back, receiver and kick returner. The 5-foot-10, 162-pound player was a Second-Team All-OVC selection in 2006 as a returner, and ranked 11th in the nation for kick return average.
Posted in EKU, Eastern Kentucky University, Shoplifting, Wally World, Walmart, dumbass | Tagged: dumbass, Eastern Kentucky University, EKU, Shoplifting, Wally World, Walmart | 2 Comments »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 24, 2008
UT Release
Phillip Fulmer Statement Regarding Alabama Subpoena
From Davidson County All-Sports Picnic
“I do have to be a little bit careful – a lot more than I’d like to be.
I was getting out of the car and was tossed a piece of paper that I picked up, stuck it in with a whole bunch of things that I had been reading on my way in from the airport and handed it to Bud Ford to put in his briefcase and forgot about it. I got a bunch of questions (from the media) about a subpoena that I hadn’t seen.
I wasn’t expecting a subpoena but maybe every time I go to Birmingham I probably will be expecting a subpoena. As it turns out its some sort of subpoena to do something, and I will let the attorneys all handle that. The issue is its all crap and they are trying to use the press trying to use a day that’s very special to the Southeastern conference for players and the coaches.
Because they can’t win legally they are trying to play the game in the press I am more than a little PO’d about any part of that. It’s sad that a few publicity hunting lawyers in one of our sister states want to keep open a chapter of history that has long since been closed and as far as I’m concerned will stay closed. Obviously this is an effort to distract our football team or distract me in some way. The last time this happened we won the division with two freshman quarterbacks. We won’t be distracted I had a good conversation with the commissioner about it.
About being in Birmingham, I wasn’t trying to mislead anybody. I hadn’t looked at anything.”
Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Go Vols, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on July 24, 2008
A lot has been said about the subpoena that Phil Fulmer received today. What everyone is failing to realize is Robert Wendell Smith is an Auburn fan. Sure people say he was a Bama booster but that was a cleverly devised ploy to hurt Bama. As a Bama Nation we must be atoned! RTR!
Smith is suing the NCAA for defamation, claiming the organization and several members of the infractions committee slandered him in accusing him of violating NCAA rules.
This “lawsuit” against the NCAA is garbage and this hurts my Bama nation more than Tennessee. Every time someone brings this up we are reminded that Saint Logan Young paid over $100,000 for Albert Means. Now it comes out that this Wendell dude paid $20,000 for this Smith kid? Bama fans let us all hope these charges were covered in the last round of probation we were served or we could risk having to answer more questions about buying players our recruiting methods. That would be a disaster for our program. The biggest irony of it all is that Lord Saban was one of the original coaches that turned Bama in on the recruiting violations. (He hadn’t been baptized by the spirit of Behr like he is now. rtr
According to the subpoena Fulmer is ordered to give a deposition on Sept. 25. The Thursday before the Auburn game! See folks what more proof do you need? Smith is a Barn lover!
Worst case scenario. Fulmer takes the stand and talks about how he, Steve God Spurrier, Houston Nutt, and present-day Behr resurrected Bama coach Lord Nick Saban all turned in the Tide for paying for players. If the our courts have any sense at all and Fulmer’s lawyers have any sense at all, this goes away quickly. I hope so because I have plenty money invested in the Hoover High team. I mean err… I need to hit the recruiting trail. rtr
Now we know in all likelihood the deposition will be moved because of the game. That is of course if this lawsuit doesn’t get thrown out completely before then.
This is a feeble attempt by an undercover Auburn fan to hurt both Bama and Tennessee at once. The attorneys for Mr. Smith are far from top notch as Lawvol stated in his take on this:
“Considering that the Blankenship, Harrelson and Wollitz, LLC website includes a “Do I Have a Case” web form as well as a PayPal link (which is a new one for this lawyer), the firm appears … well … in the vein of many of the firms that routinely advertise on daytime television.”
Another scary thought is now maybe Fulmer will get mad enough to actually have a game plan in place against us this year and that means trouble. Well played Auburn…well played.
Rumored to be Mr Smith notice how well he blends in with us? RTR
Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Auburn, Bear is Dead, Logan Young, Phillip Fulmer, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: Alabama Crimson Tide, Auburn, Bear is Dead, Logan Young, Phillip Fulmer, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | 5 Comments »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 24, 2008
If I’m ever blessed with a son there are two people I want to help shape and mold his mind. They are Jeremy Shockey & Rick Mahorn.
Shockey is the epitome of what self sacrifice & toughness is all about. When he isn’t injured of course. And when he is injured he is still a valuable asset to have. Remember the super bowl? Everyone knows it was Shockey’s consistent whining about not getting the ball and then dropping it when it is thrown to him criticism that propelled Eli to greatness.
People seem to remember Shockey in the sky box getting drunk with his buddies instead of being on the sidelines with his crutches. Let me explain something to you. Every 40 oz. he slammed down was for the team and don’t you ever forget it!
People wonder why Shockey didn’t show up for the super bowl ring ceremony & parade. I’ll tell you why. He was busy doing self-acupuncture with railroad spikes on his pride still healing leg. That’s how tough he is. Shockey can fight against all injuries except a stumped toe that seems to lay him up for 6 months at least. Only Steven Seagal is tougher and maybe Kevin Winslow when umm Winslow isn’t injured of course.
Another Kryptonite for Shocky is razor burn that will land him on the IR for about a month at a time.
Playing through razor burn and a hangnail what a trooper!
People say Eli is a completely different quarterback without Shockey, that’s because Eli is in awe of Shockey. When Shockey wasn’t injured of course.
Shockey is also a great mentor for kids in fact this is what he said to youngsters in June
“If the team trades me, I promise you I’m going to make them pay. If I ever get a chance to play against a team that trades me, it’s not going to be a pretty sight.”
The fear of God was placed into those kids and now they are all kicking the crap out of boy scouts just so they may be the ones to help little old ladies across the street.
Merit badges are for wimps.
Now for Rick Mahorn
No one in the world would be more capable of teaching my son how to treat the ladies like Rick “Bad Boy Pimp Bitches” Mahorn.
Everyone who has witnessed that video knows Pimp Rick wasn’t shoving Lisa Leslie down on the floor, but instead it was his way saying:
“Hey you’re looking mighty fine to be a 36 year old mother, let me sex you up and make you feel better”
After getting Lisa’s number Pimp Rick then went to look for other women to abuse lovers. But first Mahorn had to break it off with his current lady friend as seen in the photo below.
I’ve already sexed you up twice…today woman!
People are saying Pimp Rick was grabbing Los Angeles Sparks’ assistant coach Laura Beeman forcefully by the arm.
That’s not what’s going on that’s just Mahorns way of saying:
Listen slut honey I’m done with you we’ve grown apart fetch me a beer before you leave I’ll always remember you and cherish the times we spent skank don’t you blow up my cell phone.
See Mahorn’s that smooth and Shockey is that self sacrificing.
Posted in Jeremy Shockey, Rick Mahorn, Role Model, The Cool Kids | Tagged: Jeremy Shockey, Rick Mahorn, Role Model, The Cool Kids | Leave a Comment »
