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The AMI & the Porn Industry Support Jason Giambis’ All Star Mustache
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 10, 2008
Up until this year most Yankee fans would have told you that they hate Jason Giambi. He was just another overpaid underachieving cog in the Yankees evil empire. Then suddenly something happened, he grew a mustache reminiscent of the mustaches that the 70’s porn kings such as Ron Jeremy sports.
So let’s be clear on this. Jason Giambi wears a golden thong & sports a porn-stache all equal starting first baseman for the American League in this years’ all star game.
Of course Jason had some help. The American Mustache Institute (AMI) whose mission statement of “Protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache,” officially endorsed Giambis’ all star ballot.
“It doesn’t take a mathematician to figure out that Jason Giambi’s hitting prowess plus a fashionable mustache, equals a bona fide All-Star,” said Aaron Perlut, Executive Director of The American Mustache Institute. “Giambi’s significant first-half production as well as his powerful lip fur – indicating great intellect and good looks – make two very compelling reasons for his place on the American League All-Star roster.”
Lip fur…lovely…oh & they made a video as well. Praising Giambi and man-loving his mustache.
The Yankees actually urged the fans in a press release to vote for Giambi and his porn-stache:
The New York Yankees are urging fans to “Support the ‘Stache” and vote for first baseman Jason Giambi on Major League Baseball’s Final All-Star Ballot.
Before this year the only thing Giambi delivered for the Yankees was an admission to using steroids but thanks to his golden thong and his Ron Jeremy like mustache he’s in the all star game.
All this is driving Yankees radio announcer John Sterling to act less than professional in the media dining room at Yankees stadium. According to the New York Post:
Yankees radio announcer John Sterling is being called out for foul behavior in the stadium’s press dining room. “Sterling has made a habit of walking over to the dessert table and dipping his finger into the ice cream barrel,” one stadium worker told us, adding that the play-by-play vet has also used the same tablespoon to repeatedly take samples. During the Boston series, “He wandered over to the cake and pie section, broke off a piece of a cake slice, ate it and wiped his grimy hands on the linen tablecloth, leaving the remainder of the slice for someone else to eat – which indeed happened,” our spy continued.
See what you can achieve with the support of the AMI and the porn industry backing you? The porn-stache is a powerful thing. But only a goatee like I and Boston Red Sox slugger Kevin Youkilis sport, can bring you the riches of a popular blog and your own sports drink.
Joel said
I thought steroid use was supposed to make you lose hair???
ghettophilosopher said
Is this for real? AMI?
Thomas the Terrible said
Very there’s a link to their site in the story.