Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

These days, there are a few things that are peeking my interest whenever time permits me (seeing as though this is Christmas time in the swimming pool industry). These things include the following: the R. Kelly Trial (click here for the Chicago Sun Times blog on the perv’s trial), Hell’s Kitchen (thank God that puss Matt finally got voted off), and Cal-Berkeley vs. the Tree People. These long days of summer where I am stuck dealing with jackass customers and stuck at work while others are enjoying vacation totally suck, but these are ample distractions. The R. Kelly Trial is interesting to me because this fool had everything but could not stay away from the girls with the Trapper Keepers, just like predecessors Gary Glitter, Michael Jackson, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Hell’s Kitchen is just funny because Gordon Ramsay has just become my favorite Brit. Actually, I watch BBC America whenever his Kitchen Nightmare shows are on and I discovered a show called Footballer’s Wives that had Playmaker’s and 1st and Ten beat by a long shot.

And then there is the loooooooooong drawn out court battle between the University of California vs. some coked out, tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing hippies. I still can’t believe that these godless pagans beat Tennessee last year, but I digress. I know this is about to piss of AB, but seeing as though the tree people can’t possibly be getting internet access, maybe she can send them a smoke signal from the backyard of her palatial estate.

I don’t see how this school is still participating in major D-1A sports. If I were the Pac-10, I would kick them out and bring in Fresno State. At least the football program would have more upsets against top competition and the cheerleaders would have a little more “urbanism” than the grandecafemochachocolatte $10 cups of coffee the prissy Blackberry toting chicas at Berkeley.

As a native Southerner, it amazes me that a few people are actually trying to save 100 year old trees. They are letting these trees get in the way of a perfectly good football stadium and practice facility. What good are some oak trees when your football team plays mediocre football??? Well then again, this is Cal football we are talking about. Don’t worry Cal: USC, Oregon, Arizona St., and Oregon St. will be dropping half a hundred a piece on you in no time. Keep the trees, and pray that you can keep your coach. Besides, surely the school could make use of some fresh cut trees. I mean, wood will still be needed for the new locker rooms, luxury suites, doors, and paper for the playbooks. Let’s just call it a recycling program.

You know, something looks familiar about that damn Cal bear…