Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…Psams 23:4-6

OK Big Orange, you have made it to the SEC Championship game. Congratulations for destroying the hopes and dreams of SEC East teams who thought they had a shot of making it to the Georgia Dome. Despite the fact that you are coached by a staff that some in the fan base do not want, your green pasture now resides in Atlanta. Despite embarrassing losses at Florida, where you were completely dominated all around, and being completely outcoached in Tuscaloosa by St. Nick, you have leaned on your resolve and faith to get to your goal. Your patience and virtue has been rewarded.

One can only think that the great football god has blessed you and found favor on you, because there is no way you should have defeated Georgia, South Carolina, Vandy, and Kentucky. Despite being surprised by scrappy Vandy and almost snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against KY, now here you stand. However, you did not fall to those who dared to travel from the Sun Belt Conference, avoiding the embarrassment of losing to the Fighting Nutria, Mean Green, the Magic Possums or whoever else they have as sports teams. All alone now facing your biggest test to date: How does one look a Tiger in the mouth and come out alive??? How does one stand against all odds, despite being decimated by Tebow’s Kids, going into Cal Ba’al Berkley and looking unlike an SEC team, and then, putting up as much fight against the Holy Tide as a thawed turkey meeting a hot vat of peanut oil???

I will tell you how. The blueprint has been laid, of your own doing. That same ferocious Tiger that you must now tame crushed your hopes and dreams back in 2001. Remember Matt Mauck coming in for an injured Rohan Davey??? All of the pre-game talk about you going to the Rose Bowl??? The big fat orange covered shepherd does not forget. He will probably remind you.

Miracles can happen. The table is set, and it is yours for the taking. You can feast with kings and dine like champions. Imagine a true Orange Bowl, or how about another Fiesta Bowl??? It is yours for the taking, and you can. Keep the faith and seize the opportunity. Do not believe in luck. Luck is for the pagans in South Bend, Indiana. Goodness and the riches thereof will follow you from Knoxville to Atlanta and then to BCS glory. The path of the righteous is paved with orange and the soundtrack for the trip is the familiar refrain of “Rocky Top”, played of course millions of times along the journey. This song annoys the unjust to no end, but for Volunteers, it is a Song of Solomon that will be sung by the just (even if people only know the last two lines of the song, waiting lustfully for the big “Woooo” as if channelling an inner “Nature Boy” Ric Flair). Volunteers everywhere are behind you on Saturday. Only the faith that you have in yourselves and each other will guide you to the ultimate victory, since no one else thinks that you have a shot…