Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

What’s that you say??? There is no playoff system currently??? Now, it’s called the Football Bowl Subdivision??? I say, until SEC Commissioner Mike Slive and/or Big XII Commissioner Dan Beebe grow some balls…excuse me…decide to leave the BCS and throw the current system into a state of true chaos, this will do. Why these two conference commissioners??? Because the Pac-10 and Big 10 are in cahoots (I listened to a Sen. Robert Byrd clip on youtube and said I would use that word somehow) and the Big East and ACC don’t make nearly as much money as the Big XII or SEC when it comes to football. What do you call a 45,000 seat football stadium in the SEC??? You call it a practice field.

In this playoff system, 16 teams are chosen. Conference champions from the SEC, Big 10, Big XII, ACC, Big East, and Pac 10 automatically qualify, leaving 10 at large bids. Those 10 at large bids will be handed out by the Selection Committee, which will be made up of former head coaches, officials, players, and sports bloggers. Why not actual journalists??? Sports bloggers are real fans of the game and is ESPN was doing that stupid “Who’s Now?”, bloggers would win over magazine and paper scribes.

The playoff system will be composed of four rounds. A consolation game will be played before the title game. The first round sites will be permanent, which will consist of the following bowls:

Liberty Bowl (Memphis, TN)-So I am biased, plus the BBQ and Blues is a good way to wind down after a game.

Gator Bowl (Jacksonville, FL)-Good weather + hundreds of Waffle Houses = Good Times.

Alamo Bowl (San Antonio, TX)-This city has hosted Final Fours before so no problems with logistics.

Holiday Bowl (San Diego, CA)-Has anyone seen the women in the 619??? If you have, do you really need a reason???

Motor City Bowl (Detroit, MI)-Nice arena that needs some real football played inside at least once a year.

Insight Bowl (Phoenix, AZ)-Halfway decent sightlines for football in Chase Field. Maybe not, but the indoor pool is pretty cool.

Outback Bowl (Tampa, FL)-Maybe the Carolina Panther Cheerleaders can hang at Banana Joe’s again.

Sun Bowl (El Paso, TX)-Don’t know anything about El Paso, but the payout is nice.

*Seeds for the first round games will rotate sites from year to year.

The second through final round sites will consist of the following sites:

Peach Bowl (Atlanta, GA)-Oh the memories I have of Magic City…oops…I mean Coca-Cola World.

Capital One Bowl (Orlando, FL)-Catch “Pacman” Jones wrestling (allegedly) at TNA Wrestling filmed in Universal Studios.

Cotton Bowl (Dallas, TX)-Site will be improved once Uncle Jerry completes the $1 Billion small city he will call a stadium.

Las Vegas Bowl (Las Vegas, NV)-The Strip, The Strip, The Strip…

The following four bowls will rotate between the 1-4 matchup in the second round, the third round games, and both the 3rd place and Championship Games:

Fiesta Bowl (Glendale, AZ)-Beautiful new arena.

Sugar Bowl (New Orleans, LA)-New Orleans needs to get a Super Bowl again sometime soon.

Rose Bowl (Pasadena, CA)-Hopefully someone can talk Keith Jackson to do the play by play to give it that traditional feel.

Orange Bowl (Miami, FL)-How more teams don’t get into any more trouble in South Beach is beyond me.

In one month, seeds will be in place. Who will survive??? The selection committee will be headed by Thomas the Terrible and will be comprised on whomever he pleases. Maybe abarclay can come up with some sort of Rachel Nichols type of report for the title game. She has a way with production…