Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

Ozzie Guillen who is perhaps the most politically correct person in sports, has been a target of the liberal media sports giants such as ESPN, Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News and many others for a few years now. Now the they have all decided to gang up on him yet again by claiming he has a potty mouth, and is questioning his teams commitment. Knowing the history of this fine and righteous man I’m sure the liberal media “paraphrased” his words. So I’m here to set the story straight.

“It’s embarrassing day in and day out to do the same stuff,” Guillen said. “People are blaming our pitching staff, but the offense comes along and puts more dirt on the grave. Everyone in that room should look in the mirror and be embarrassed.”

Less than two years after winning the World Series, the White Sox (57-76) are in last place in the AL Central.

“We’ve got a $100 million payroll and they don’t show it on the field,” Guillen said. “If this keeps up, bring on the Double-A kids. They’re killing me. They’re killing my family, my coaching staff and the White Sox fans. I hope they care the way we care. I’m tired of seeing this shit every day.”

What the Oz man was really saying was:

“I’m truly sorry in the team’s lack of success this season. People seem to think it’s all the pitching staffs fault. I’m here to say, though they have under performed, they are fine fellows. I believe the White Sox need to heal, not as a team but as a family. Then wait till next year.

We have been blessed with such great owners who pay us all well, but I believe as an organization it would only be fair to the Double A players, to give them a shot at the big league. Oh to see the joy on those youngsters faces. Myself and my loving family are hurt emotionally by our record, as the fans are hurt as well. The fan know we care and I’m going to take the proper steps to correct it.”

“I’m tired of seeing that shit, day in and day out. And I don’t want to spend a miserable September seeing the same shit. If I have to see the same shit, I told [team GM Kenny Williams], ‘Bring somebody up. Fuck it.’ If it’s my fault, I should be moving out of here then. If it’s my fault, fucking fire my ass and I’ll be fine. I have the job to do, and I get paid a lot of fucking money to make this club work, but it’s not easy to work with people like that. It’s not easy.”

What the Oz man really said was:

“Even with the mistakes my players make, I love watching them day in and day out. I think September would be a perfect time to bring up some farm league talent. I try to imagine how nonsupporting former managers of mine have been, and be the complete opposite. I’ll do some reflection later tonight, and if I see that our woeful record is actually a result of my actions, then I suggest I should be relieved of my duties. Don’t worry about me, even with all that I give to charity, I’m financially alright. Thank you for your time and attentiveness, now suck my cock and fuck off”

So I profess on this day 8/31/07.

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