Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for August, 2007

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Ozzie Guillen is Clearly a Target of the Liberal Media.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 31, 2007

Ozzie Guillen who is perhaps the most politically correct person in sports, has been a target of the liberal media sports giants such as ESPN, Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News and many others for a few years now. Now the they have all decided to gang up on him yet again by claiming he has a potty mouth, and is questioning his teams commitment. Knowing the history of this fine and righteous man I’m sure the liberal media “paraphrased” his words. So I’m here to set the story straight.

“It’s embarrassing day in and day out to do the same stuff,” Guillen said. “People are blaming our pitching staff, but the offense comes along and puts more dirt on the grave. Everyone in that room should look in the mirror and be embarrassed.”

Less than two years after winning the World Series, the White Sox (57-76) are in last place in the AL Central.

“We’ve got a $100 million payroll and they don’t show it on the field,” Guillen said. “If this keeps up, bring on the Double-A kids. They’re killing me. They’re killing my family, my coaching staff and the White Sox fans. I hope they care the way we care. I’m tired of seeing this shit every day.”

What the Oz man was really saying was:

“I’m truly sorry in the team’s lack of success this season. People seem to think it’s all the pitching staffs fault. I’m here to say, though they have under performed, they are fine fellows. I believe the White Sox need to heal, not as a team but as a family. Then wait till next year.

We have been blessed with such great owners who pay us all well, but I believe as an organization it would only be fair to the Double A players, to give them a shot at the big league. Oh to see the joy on those youngsters faces. Myself and my loving family are hurt emotionally by our record, as the fans are hurt as well. The fan know we care and I’m going to take the proper steps to correct it.”

“I’m tired of seeing that shit, day in and day out. And I don’t want to spend a miserable September seeing the same shit. If I have to see the same shit, I told [team GM Kenny Williams], ‘Bring somebody up. Fuck it.’ If it’s my fault, I should be moving out of here then. If it’s my fault, fucking fire my ass and I’ll be fine. I have the job to do, and I get paid a lot of fucking money to make this club work, but it’s not easy to work with people like that. It’s not easy.”

What the Oz man really said was:

“Even with the mistakes my players make, I love watching them day in and day out. I think September would be a perfect time to bring up some farm league talent. I try to imagine how nonsupporting former managers of mine have been, and be the complete opposite. I’ll do some reflection later tonight, and if I see that our woeful record is actually a result of my actions, then I suggest I should be relieved of my duties. Don’t worry about me, even with all that I give to charity, I’m financially alright. Thank you for your time and attentiveness, now suck my cock and fuck off”

So I profess on this day 8/31/07.

rDSr

Posted in Chicago White Sox, MLB, Ozzie Guillen, Sports, baseball | 1 Comment »

Ex Ohio State President: Damn Those Riots Were Bad, God I Need Sex

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 31, 2007

Ohio State…known for Woody Hays, ESPN’s newest Big East tool Kirk Herbstreit, getting their asses handed to them in two national championship games in separate sports by Florida in the same year and of course they know how to throw a great riot. Well it seems an ex-president, in a job interview of all things, has spoken out about the 2002 riots that basically says the Ohio State student population are really looters, thugs & closet West Virginia fans.

“A former Ohio State University president who cracked down on game-day behavior during her tenure at the school lambasted Buckeyes fans in a recent job interview, saying they looked for any excuse to riot.

“When you win a game, you riot. When you lose a game, you riot. When spring comes, you riot. African-American Heritage Festival weekend, you riot, Karen Holbrook said last week during a videotaped interview for the president’s job at Florida Gulf Coast University.”

*She went on further to say “when a freshman girl has just swallowed for the first time, you riot, when I had an orgasm I rioted, of course I haven’t rioted in a very very very long time.”

“She told officials there that she confronted a culture of rioting when she arrived at Ohio State in 2002 and that she witnessed people doing “disgusting things, unbelievable things” on a videotape she ordered made after the Ohio State-Michigan game that year.

“They think it’s fun to flip cars, to really have absolute drunken orgies. … I don’t want to be at a place that has this kind of culture as a norm,” she said.

*She elaborated “I mean if I can’t have a flipping orgasm Molly McFatty Skank isn’t going to participate in a orgy. Sorry honey Mommy still loves you.”

“After her comments, released by the Florida university, got back to Ohio and the 52,000-student university, she softened her tone, noting that her negative remarks represented five minutes out of 10 hours of talks with officials of the Florida school, much of which focused on Ohio State’s positives.

“People have ignored every other wonderful thing about a great institution that I bragged about, and that is what concerns me,” Holbrook said Thursday from her Florida home.”

Notice how she pulled a Saban there? Nice…

“Holbrook said she was barraged with complaints after she led a crackdown on tailgating and game-day behavior after 2002 riots made national news.

“They said, ‘You’re a goodie two-shoes. You don’t understand what it is to be a Buckeye,’” she said. “Maybe that’s true, but I didn’t think this great university deserved the black eye to its reputation for this kind of behavior.”

*”She continued by saying “Then my husband called me a frigid bitch in between doing Jager bombs of the ass of a cheerleader. That bastard. He said lighten up live a little, he ran off with a drama major, can you imagine a damn drama major”

“Holbrook oversaw a crackdown on tailgating and game-day behavior after 2002 riots made national news. She retired in June with a $250,000 exit bonus, then applied for the Florida Gulf Coast job this month. Holbrook later withdrew from consideration for the Florida job.”

By retired I believe they mean “fired” & by exit bonus I think it’s also called a “severance package”.

 


Let’s Riot Bitches!!!

So I profess on this day 8/31/07.

rDSr

Posted in Florida Gators, Karen Holbrook, NCAA, Ohio State, Sports, big 10, big ten, buckeyes, football, riots | 1 Comment »

Material You Should & Need To Read. I Said Read It Now!!! For the week of 08/30/07

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 30, 2007

Dreadnaught has even more Jonathan Lee Riches© news. He really should try to get on Judge Judy.

The guys at LWS have an funny read called The Story of LSU and Corndogs.

The Leaky Brain tells you how to high on banana peels. This woman, though a hottie, scares the living hell out of me at times.

Third Saturday in Blogtober has a touching piece on how slut, skank misunderstood Lindsay Lohan seeks Phil Fulmer’s help.

Posted in Sports | 2 Comments »

Even With the Help of Steroids, Tim Couch Still Sucks

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 30, 2007

Tim Couch former Kentucky QB Spurrier God, whose NFL career was a lot like a Jenna Jamison sex scene, he sucked a lot, took it up the ass on cue and still didn’t get any respect has a new problem. Before you judge Couch based on his past record keep in mind, that was the old Tim Tebow Couch, the new Tim Tebow Couch is trying to make it back in to the NFL, but even with the help of Barry Bonds Juice steroids, he still sucks ass.

“Former No. 1 NFL draft pick Tim Couch had doping regimens that called for anabolic steroids and human growth hormone, according to documents obtained by Yahoo.com.

Couch, cut by the Jacksonville Jaguars earlier this month, told Yahoo.com he used HGH for about a week, under a doctor’s care, in hopes it would help him recover from shoulder surgery. He denied using steroids or any other banned drugs and said he had never seen the documents.

Couch’s agent, Tom Condon, didn’t return a phone call from The Associated Press, and the NFL had no comment.

The documents detail three regimens — 72-day, 80-day and 55-day programs — dated Jan. 26, 2006, Sept. 18, 2006 and Nov. 27, 2006, according to Yahoo.com.“

Tim no reason to lie, you were already cut buddy. NFL teams have long memories, and they clearly remember you sucking, sucking long and hard. I have a feeling Tim’s agent didn’t return the call is because he thought it was some sort of joke. He was probably thinking “Tim…Tim…wait isn’t that the suck ass QB that the Browns drafted in 99? I thought he like died…he owes me twenty dollars”.

“Jaguars spokesman Dan Edwards said Tuesday that Couch’s release had nothing to do with the drug allegations.

“It was strictly a personnel decision based on performance, or lack of performance is a better word. God he sucked!!! We let him try out just for some comedy relief.” Edwards said.

Couch told Yahoo.com that he passed a drug test when he signed with the Jaguars. Edwards said the NFL’s drug-testing policy is confidential, and results are not shared with teams. Teams are only notified when players are suspended for violating the policy, he said.”

So basically no really checked Tim’s drug test because well, they knew he would be cut because he sucks. Rumor has it Tim is running a QB clinic of up coming college QB’s. He has already had someone graduate with Tim’s praise and approval.

The new Tim Tebow Couch, his name is Brady Quinn.

So I profess on this day 8/30/07.

rDSr

 

Posted in Kentucky Wildcats, NFL, Sports, Tim Couch, cleveland browns, football, jacksonville jaguars, steroids | 6 Comments »

I’ve always said this about Alabama

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 30, 2007

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Roll Tide, SEC, Sports | Leave a Comment »

Top 10 Things the Vols Must Overcome To Beat Cal.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 30, 2007

Loser With Socks, the site God and Bear Bryant prefer, posted a great gem called “Scary Cal: 10 Reasons why Tennessee beats Cal’s ass….again“. What I’m going to do is give you 10 things Phil Fulmer and my beloved Vols need to watch for in order to secure a victory.

 

 

10: Coach Jeff Tedford has a semi-hot wife. And you know from my amazing interview with coach Rich Rodriguez, that if a coach has a wife that is hot, then she most likely is a stripper. She could be a distraction to the team by keep them “up” all night. Pun very much intended.

 

9. Those God Spurrier awful yellow jerseys. Many a person has been blinded by those things. I hope the Vols have extra dark shades, just in case.

 

8. The Cal Bear looks like a child molester. Seriously look at the picture. It’s scary and it’s called “Bebop”. I know what fine and upstanding young men the 2007 Vols are, and they may want to trap it & mug it beat him up and steal his shoes turn it over to the local authorities or Chris Hanson whichever is easier.

 

7. Revenge. After my beloved Vols ass raped badly beat Cal last season, they have undoubtedly been looking forward to this rematch.

 

6. DeSean Michael Jackson. He is rated the #1 receiver in the country. And our secondary has a task ahead of them. Then again if he were to be hit in the leg with a baseball bat the night before the game that would help. (hint hint)

 

5. Nate Longshore. He was only a sophomore last season so he should have more experience under his belt this time. Plus he looks bald, mean and like he just was released from San Quinton.

 

4. Al Davis. Unless you’ve been living under a rock or in West Virginia for the past 3 years then you know the Raiders suck. Al Davis, the owner of the Raiders, would love to hire the Vols players right there on the field. After all most SEC East teams can win an NFL wildcard playoff game.

 

3. The Hippy Hair wraps I’m letting the link do the talking on that.

2. The gangs of gay liberals. Berkeley has the one of the highest concentration of gang activity in the country, one of the highest gay populations and everyone knows it’s the most God Spurrier hating liberal area in the entire world. Even whack jobs from other states fear the liberals there. See the picture on the left, that’s one of the toughest street gangs in the area. They’re so liberal there, that the gangs have to be gay, to be recognized.

 

1. The Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA). If you don’t know the history there I suggest that you click the link. Everyone knows what fat ass idiot Godly man Fulmer can be at times. The SLA would love nothing more than to be able too kidnap the Vols beloved ship captain and turn him into some bank robbing hippie thug like they did with Patty Hearst in 1974. Note Hearst was somewhat a hottie back then that’s her in the photo. Thanks to her we know what Stockholm Syndrome is.

So not only do the Vols have to deal with the talent on the field. They also need to have eyes in the back of their heads. I didn’t even touch on the fact the campus is also full of dirty disgusting God hating hippies.

So I profess on this day 8/30/07.

rDSr

 

Posted in Cal, College Football, NCAA, Pac 10, Phillip Fulmer, SEC, SEC Coaches, Sports, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, University of California berkeley | 5 Comments »

Upon Further Review the NCAA Says Jerrell Powe is Still A Moron.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 29, 2007

Jerrell Powe has been wanting to play football for Ole Miss for quite sometime now. Since 2005 Powe has been attending a prep school and taking correspondence courses just to get his grades up and become eligible. Bless his heart, but the NCAA has declared that no matter how hard he tried, his best wasn’t good enough because he’s still a moron.

“The NCAA announced on Tuesday that highly-touted Ole Miss defensive tackle recruit Jerrell Powe will not be academically eligible this season.

Powe’s case is highly publicized. He has been granted admission to Ole Miss and had been given a window to practice with the team until the NCAA came to its final ruling.

“The idea for determining if student-athletes are academically eligible to participate in college sports is to ensure that the rigors of practice and competition do not interfere with the primary reason student-athletes enroll in college — to get an education,” said Kevin Lennon, NCAA vice president of membership services. “Mr. Powe has not achieved sufficient academic success under NCAA rules to permit athletics participation.”

Ok first of all he was admitted to Ole Miss because officials there were trying to send Steve God Spurrier a message. As commendable as the statements of Mr. Lennon are, this is Ed “Crazy Bat Shit” Orgeron we’re talking about. Only football players play for him, there’s no time for Nancy-boy activities such as studying, attending classes and taking tests.

“Powe, who has learning disabilities, has been working toward eligibility for two years. He signed with the Rebels in 2005, but the NCAA ruled he did not have the required core courses.

He signed again in 2006 after attending a prep school and taking correspondence courses, but the NCAA questioned whether he had received too much help while he attempted to qualify.

 

 

Powe’s lawyer, Don Jackson, has argued that teachers never offered more help than is required by federal law and the NCAA is violating the Americans With Disabilities Act.

“Over the next 24 hours we’ll plot out where we are,” Jackson told ESPN The Magazine’s Bruce Feldman on Tuesday. “We’ve had discussions with Ole Miss and they’re preparing to file an appeal either late today or tomorrow, but at the same time we’re having separate discussions internally about whether to file a lawsuit. That would depend on the timeliness of how quickly the NCAA responds to the appeal.”

First of all Mr. Jackson in a separate article you stated his “disabilities” are dyslexia and attention deficit disorder, well those things eclipse almost every high school kid in todays world. In fact I have both dyslexia and attention deficit disorder, but I don’t consider either a disability. I guess since I can form 2 sentences together, and hold a coherent conversation for great length of time is why. But Powe on the other hand…well can’t, but it’s neither dyslexia and attention deficit disorder that is his problem. It’s the fact he’s a complete moron, look at the photo for Spurrier’s God’s sake by the way I believe he’s retarded strong or just plain retarded, which explains why there is such a kinship between him and Bat Shit Crazy Coach O. I guess your ignoring the fact that the NCAA has reason to believe that someone or someones took tests for him or overlooked incorrect answers. I believe Jonathan Lee Riches should file a lawsuit against you and Powe on the basis of being complete idiots.

So I profess on this day 8/29/07.

rDSr

Posted in Ed Orgeron, Jerrell Powe, NCAA, Ole Miss, SEC, SEC Coaches, Sports, coach o, ole miss rebels, stupid | 2 Comments »

Steve Spurrier Says the Gamecocks Can Play With Anyone, However the USC Student Paper Doesn’t Believe Him.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 29, 2007

Yesterday Steve God Spurrier made a bold statement saying that his team can play with anyone. Even though it doesn’t look like he kept a straight face after saying that.

“USC football coach Steve Spurrier is striking an optimistic tone as he enters his third season at the school.

“We believe we can play with anybody,” Spurrier says. “We have no excuses.”

Well, no excuses until another player is arrested and “suspended indefinitely” which is what 2-3 days or something?

“We’re a very healthy team,” Spurrier says. “We’re expecting their (Louisiana-Layfayette’s) best shot.”

The Head Ball Coach says he expects freshmen to make a big contribution this season, including some of the top standouts from his top ten recruiting class this year. Defensive tackle Ladi Ajiboye and defensive end Clifton Geathers, Spurrier says, don’t play like freshmen. “They’re more like redshirt freshman,” he says.”

Well, you’re not that healthy with a starter by the name of Emanuel Lewis Cook, who has gun possession charges pending against him, just had an appendectomy. Louisiana Layfayette’s best shot couldn’t beat a pop warner team. Try scheduling real OOC teams like Tennessee who plays Cal & Georgia who play Oklahoma State, to start the season. I’ll admit that Carolina has talent, but their young and some will be in jail before this season is over inexperienced.

But what I find funny is that the student newspaper doesn’t believe God Spurrier. And who can blame them when he can’t seem to discipline his own thuggish & criminalising players?

So I profess on this day 8/29/07.

rDSr

Posted in Discipline, Emanuel Cook, Gamecocks, Georgia Bulldogs, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, South Carolina, Sports, Steve Spurrier, football, legal troubles | 2 Comments »

Emanuel Cook Reinstated Says He’s Really Really Really Sorry & That His Boo Boo Hurts.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 29, 2007

Ah to be young again, and playing for God Spurrier. Then I could do fun stuff like his players and receive no punishment. Such as keying a professors car, getting drunk & running from the Po Po, being caught with the sweet stinky weed and now handling firearms on school grounds which is illegal.

“Emanuel Lewis Cook, the Gamecocks’ starting safety, has been reinstated to the university, and will also return to the team.

A university panel decided to reinstate him Tuesday. USC Coach Steve Spurrier confirmed after practice Tuesday that the suspension against Cook will be lifted.

“I have been reinstated as a student at the University of South Carolina. I appreciate the fair and expeditious handling of this matter by the University and the Office of Judicial Affairs. I understand the seriousness of the charge made against me and believe the actions taken by the University were reasonable and appropriate in this situation. I want to apologize to the entire University community, the football team and staff, and my family and friends for the negative attention which my actions may have brought.”

“I am excited to continue my educational pursuits and assure you I will have a positive impact on the University in the future. I would like to thank you for your support during this difficult period in my life. I also want everyone to know that I am on my may to a full and speedy recovery from my appendectomy which was performed on Sunday.”

Now I really can’t put blame on God Spurrier about him being reinstated as a student. However the next time I hear some USC student complain about how the football players are getting away with murder, I’m going to remind them of this day.

“USC Head Football Coach Steve Spurrier spoke about the situation late Tuesday. “We are certainly happy he’s back with us,” Spurrier said.

Spurrier says he and the team learned from Cook’s situation. “Our players know if you see a pistol, you need to go in the opposite direction.”

Cook, 19, still faces charges of unlawful possession of a weapon.”

Now this I can blame on God Spurrier, why isn’t he still suspended from the team when charges are still pending? Oh I know because super attorney Neal “Johnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie will get involved and poof the case goes away. What kind of lesson is that? You & your players should have already known not to be around weapons, for once find your balls, and show them what accountability is for their actions. So far you fail at that. I’ll even admit Carolina Gamecocks deserve better than this.

So I profess on this day 8/29/07.

rDSr

Posted in Gamecocks, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, South Carolina, Sports, Steve Spurrier, USC, football, legal troubles | 2 Comments »

Just a friendly reminder to the world

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on August 28, 2007

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Discipline, NCAA, Nick Saban, Roll Tide, SEC, SEC Coaches, Saban, Sports, football | Leave a Comment »

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